kfizzyy13

easiest-a:

I KNEW IT WAS COMING BUT I STILL HAD TO WATCH IT

A little over a year ago my dad had a heart attack, died on the table 4 times. When I’m mad he always tells me what he realized during the time he was in the hospital. He tells me to never leave mad at someone because you never know what could happen to them.

At the time I was pissed at my dad and when I got the call and not knowing if I was ever going to see my dad again was killing me. I thought, “last time we talked I screamed at him in a hateful way. What if he thinks I don’t love him?”

The thought and feeling seriously fucking sucks. No he wasn’t always there but that doesn’t mean I don’t love him. Yes he made mistakes, but I forgave him. I don’t want to lose my dad this young. 

What I’m getting at here is to never leave mad at someone, ever. If something happens to them you don’t want to live with the fact that the last thing you said was hateful. 

In my Feels Again

I realized throughout my 20 years I have asked for help for my mental issues, but I was always accused of being over dramatic. 

Was I over dramatic when I was cutting myself to keep from hurting others?

Yes, homicidal thoughts happen just as much as suicidal maybe a little less though. I would NEVER hurt a fly but that doesn’t mean I don’t vision it or want to. When I hurt someone the look in their eye just excites me. Gives me the same rush as a teenager sneaking out for the first time. I can control it now, not the thoughts but harming myself and hurting others. 

I’m mostly afraid of jail, that helps as well. Thank you jail for scaring me into a decent person.  

I have never had a suicidal thought until now. I don’t want to be here anymore. I don’t like these visions or the stress of the real world. 

nextyearsgirl:

Trying to keep track of which of my mutuals hate each other like