kfizzyy13

just-laff:

egberts:

if i ever met a genie i wouldnt wish for a million dollars id wish that whenever i bought something i’d always have the right amount of money to pay for it in my pocket

you are one of the great thinkers of our time

egberts:

“you stole that joke from tumblr” i posted that joke to tumblr

Can I not have love handles too?

If your period naturally lasts less than 7 days, I hate you.

FLASH INTO THE FUTURE

My crush from the 6th grade (that was not the last time I talked or seen him so it wasn’t random) wants me to come over and ya know… I seriously believe that I would end up being like, “Oh my gawd I’m in his house, I’m in his room… Ahhhh!!!” Then he would be all like, “uh… no.”

lannamichaels:

melthedestroyer:

coffeebuddha:

fujisalci:

i write sins not shopping receipts

Oh,
Well imagine,
As I’m pacing the aisles in a small corner store,
And I can’t help but to hear,
No, I can’t help but to hear an exchanging of words:
“What a beautiful melon! What a beautiful melon!” says a patron to a stocker.
“And yes, but what a shame, what a shame we’re not getting in any more.”

I CHIME IN WITH HAVEN’T YOU PEOPLE EVER HEARD OF

STOCKING THE GODDAMN STORE, NO

IT’S MUCH BETTER TO CHASE THESE KINDS OF DEALS

WITH A SENSE OF SALES AND SEASONALITY.